Fried Tomatoes!

(For @NellRawlinson. Written by Richard Littlejohn.)

This week one of my readers sent me the story of a woman who was electrocuted in Poland after she drop-kicked a tomato into a faulty fuse box.

Quite what the little lady thought she was doing, I don't know - but we know how much they love their vodka over there, don't we?

At least we know why the fuse box was faulty - all the Polish electricians are over here being showered with benefits and not having to lift a finger. I'm just waiting for her family to sue the UK now under some ridiculous 'yuman rites' law.

You couldn't make it up.

Pull The Other One, It's Got Indicators On!

(For @latentexistence. Written by Richard Littlejohn.)

This week's 'Mind How You Go' is the story of Latentexistence, who was knocked off his motorcycle by a bin wagon and killed on Tuesday.

The Mad Mullahs of the Traffic Taliban are trying to claim this is because the bin wagon was turning a corner in a notorious blackspot for accidents involving motorcyclists.

Now they want to put up safety measures at a cost of £8.4 million, paid for by an EU 'elf and safety grant.

Local "diversity chiefs" are subcontracting the work to transvestite, asylum-seeking gypsies, because the Euro-nazis have decreed it would be against their "yuman rights" not to do so.

They'll be wanting to ban bin wagons next. You couldn't make it up.