Tuesday, 8 February 2011

What's all this about then?

Earlier today, I wrote a post on Forty Shades Of Grey, imagining how the Daily Mail would write about me if I were to die tragically. After a while, a few people on Twitter asked me to write them one, so I did (I'll admit, I was a bit bored at work).

Now, I would like to open the site by saying that in parodying the appalling way that the Daily Mail deals with death, I am in no way forgetting about the real people to whom this happens. A couple of years ago, someone I knew passed away and the Mail pulled their usual shite. I've seen what they do to the family and friends of the deceased.

Now, on to the question on all your lips: Can I get my own Daily Mail death article?

Yes, of course! (Depending on how much spare time/inclination I have at any given moment)

What you need to do is to:

1. Get in touch with me on Twitter (@NatalieDzerins), or on Facebook. If you do not use these, post a comment under this post.

2. You MUST tell me who you would like to write about your death. You can choose from Liz Jones, Richard Littlejohn, Melanie Phillips, Amanda Platell, Jan Moir, Janet Street Porter and Daily Mail Reporter.

3. You MUST tell me the manner of your death - frankly, it feels a bit creepy imagining demises for people.

4. If you want, tell me some things about yourself. Marital status, job, housing status, hobbies, anything you might think the Mail would pick up on. I can make things more personal this way.



  1. I would have been 49 in three weeks' time and it has got to be Littleprick who writes the obit. The manner of my death was a difficult one, I was on my way to "sign on" and justify myself for the sixty five quid a week and was hit by a bus. 30 years of work and paying tax and bringing up my family. I'd been single for 10 years at the moment of my death, two happy children, buying my house from a bank like "Maggie" told me to 'cause social housing was a thing of the past. My two children, however, have individual fathers (ooops) and they (the fathers) don't contribute emotionally to their childrens' lives (or financially) because I didn't marry either of them. I am now scrounging off the state apparently. Hobbies weren't something I could afford for me apart from drinking too much when I lost my job and smoking fags and worrying. Delinquent backbone. I died because I was too busy crossing the road whilst worrying - didn't see that bus coming!

    (Bit shite Natalie, but thanks. It's made me think things that I've shoved to the back of my mind for a while. Cheers and good luck.) Look forward to reading your stuff.

  2. Hi, I think this is a very innovative and great idea- I love spoofing the Mail, although sometimes it isn't easy as the paper itself gets more ludicrous but anyway I love all your blogs and you write very well, you could make it as professional writer I'm sure. Ok so I'm wondering if you'd mind writing a death article about me? Here is my info: I would like Melanie Phillips to write about me, I would like to be killed by a bus, or some other unfortunate accident please!

    Here are several things about me the Mail would probably blame for my death, and which you may want to include: I'm 25, I'm a Business Management graduate, currently staying with my Dad in Canada, I have a long term girlfriend but am thinking about marriage. I am an atheist, liberal member of the Labour Party (I see a lot of great things in New Labour, and a few bad). I am in favour of same sex marriages, equal rights for gays and lesbians etc, they shouldnt be excluded from adopting. I do not think the UK has an immigration problem, or that all Muslims are terrorists and are wanting to impose sharia law on us, I am strongly against the death penalty for anyone, am in favour of more EU integration, anti-tory, not traditional in any way, I am interested in climate change and will shortly be doing volunteer work for an environmental organisation in Canada, I love all types of comedy, particularly surreal, political and stand up. I love Richard Herring and Stewart Lee. I read the Guardian, Independent and New Statesman and my favourite columnists are Johann Hari, Polly Toynbee and Medhi Hasan. I like drinking and getting drunk, I have smoked cannabis in my teenage years. Ok well in return for you writing my death story, I will promote your blogs. Thankyou, and keep up the good work! Jack x