Earlier today, I wrote a post on Forty Shades Of Grey, imagining how the Daily Mail would write about me if I were to die tragically. After a while, a few people on Twitter asked me to write them one, so I did (I'll admit, I was a bit bored at work).
Now, I would like to open the site by saying that in parodying the appalling way that the Daily Mail deals with death, I am in no way forgetting about the real people to whom this happens. A couple of years ago, someone I knew passed away and the Mail pulled their usual shite. I've seen what they do to the family and friends of the deceased.
Now, on to the question on all your lips: Can I get my own Daily Mail death article?
Yes, of course! (Depending on how much spare time/inclination I have at any given moment)
What you need to do is to:
1. Get in touch with me on Twitter (@NatalieDzerins), or on Facebook. If you do not use these, post a comment under this post.
2. You MUST tell me who you would like to write about your death. You can choose from Liz Jones, Richard Littlejohn, Melanie Phillips, Amanda Platell, Jan Moir, Janet Street Porter and Daily Mail Reporter.
3. You MUST tell me the manner of your death - frankly, it feels a bit creepy imagining demises for people.
4. If you want, tell me some things about yourself. Marital status, job, housing status, hobbies, anything you might think the Mail would pick up on. I can make things more personal this way.